Thursday, January 8, 2015

Samy Velu's 10 most hilarious sentences in Malay

The quotes you are about to read below are all based on source and they are mainly for entertainment purposes. If you are easily offended or confused, it’s best if you close the window.
1. Samy Vellu on Pos Laju Malaysia – “Besok Kirim, Hari ini sampai”
2. Samy Vellu was commenting on his modesty – “Ini perkara banyak memalukan saya. Sebenarnya, Kemaluan saya sangat sangat BESAR”
samy vellu
3. Samy Vellu commenting on drugs – “Orang orang mude sekarang banyak suka hisap dade”
4. Samy gave a speech on a ceramah – “Kita akan bina satu jambatan untuk orang-orang kampung di sini. One of the villagers asked; Tapi Datuk, sini tak ade sungai, buat apa bina jambatan? Samy gloriously replied, Kalau tak ade sungai, kita bina sungai”
5. Samy’s favorite quote on national television – “Toll naik sikit, marah sama saya. You ingat ini semua toll saya punya bapak punya kah?!”
6. During the water shortage crisis – “Semua orang diminta jangan membuang aiyeer”
7. During the blood donation campaign in Sungai Siput – “Marilah kita semua menderma dara”
8. During the opening speech of various functions – “Selamat datang saudara mara semua” It’s suppose to be saudara-saudari
9. At an opening ceremony – “Mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik ke pentas untuk membuka kain”
10. The funniest among all – “Bagi saya, ini adalah satu pembaziran atas duit rakyat. Kita sepatutnya tidak hantar mereka ke bulan, tapi hantar mereka pergi ke MATAHARI! Barulah USA dan Russia respect sama kita! 
The journalist then replied – “Tapi Datuk Seri, matahari kan panas, macam mana mahu pergi?”
Samy Vellu then replied – “Itu pasal you takda jadi menteri, saya sudah 30 tahun jadi menteri, mesti ada penyelesaian. Kita jangan pergi siang, banyak panas. Kita pergi malam baru ada sejuk!
Credits to – Chloe Goh for the article

For the benefit of those who do not understand Malay, the knowledge of which is essential  to the punchline for the jokes!! I will translate here

1. Pos Laju is a Malaysian postal service which means "fast post" if you send a parcel today, the recipient will get it tomorrow. Samy Velu says "Tomorrow send, today recieve"
(Besok kirim, hari ini sampai) which is an impossible feat and a silly thing for him to say, it makes him lose credibility. The correct tagline should be "Hari ini kirim,besok sampai"

2. "Ini perkara banyak memalukan saya, Sebenarnya kemaluan saya sangat sangat besar"

This matter shames me a lot, in fact my penis is very very big.

(Kemaluan in Malay is euphemism for penis, he meant to say "shame" from "malu" which should be "kemaluan" but he has lost the nuance and subtlety of the Malay language. 

3. Orang orang mude sekarang banyak suka hisap dade

Young people now like to suck breasts a lot. (he should have pronounced it "dadah" (drugs) not dade which sounds like dada or breasts.

4. Samy to villagers :We will build a bridge for you.
Villagers: But we do not have a river, why build a bridge?
Samy: If you do not have a river, we will build you a river!

5. Toll increased a bit, you all blame me, you think all these tolls belong to my father?

6. "All of you remember not to urinate!"

7. Let's all donate our virginity! (should be darah=blood, not dara=virginity

8. Welcome, saudara mara, (relatives)  (should be saudara-saudari (my comrades) ...he has bad Malay.

9. "We now welcome Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz to come onstage to strip."
 He meant draw the curtain to unveil the plaque or something (membuka kain is to undress)

10. This one beats the rest:

Samy: To me, it is a sheer waste of public funds. We should not send them to the moon, we should send them to the sun, then we will have the respect of the US  and the Russians.

Journalist: But the sun is too hot , how can we go there?

Samy: That's why you all did not become a minister, I have been a minister for 30 years, there must be a solution. We don't go during the day, that's too hot, we go during the night, it's cooler!

who is more senseless, the one who became a minister for 30 years or the one who let him hold office and utter such uncouth nonsense?

- See more at:

With all due respects, Sir, you're just hilarious...
10 Kata-Kata Paling Lawak Samy Vellu - My Media Hub
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